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Rentals

Reading a villa listing

What a rental listing leaves out tells you more than everything it includes.

Escapes7 min read
Reading a villa listing

A villa listing is a document written to hide four things: the plan, the kitchen, the noise and the walk to the beach. Learn to read for the absences and you can assess a house in about four minutes.

The absences, in order of what they cost you

No floor plan
The plan is awkward. Almost always: bedrooms reached through other bedrooms, one bathroom serving three rooms, or a staff flat between you and the pool
No photograph of the kitchen
It is a rental kitchen: two hobs that work, no oven you would use and nowhere to put anything down
No image taken after dark
There is no lighting design, which means downlights everywhere and no way to make the house pleasant in the evening
No photograph from the road
Something is next to it. A road, a neighbour at four metres, a building site, a car park
Every image is a drone shot
You are being sold the postcode. The house does not photograph well at eye level
Bedrooms photographed from the doorway with a wide lens
They are small. A room photographed from the corner with a 14 mm lens is under 12 square metres
No mention of air conditioning by room
It is in two of the six bedrooms

The words, decoded

  • "A short stroll from the beach" means fifteen to twenty-five minutes, and the return leg is uphill.
  • "Sea glimpses" means you can see the sea from one corner of one terrace if you stand.
  • "Rustic charm" means the plumbing is original.
  • "Recently refurbished" without a year means more than five years ago.
  • "Sleeps twelve" is a bed count, not a table count. Ask how many can eat at once.
  • "Staff on request" means there is no staff, and the request costs 300 a day.
  • "Perfect for families" means there is a fence around the pool. Nothing more.

The three questions to send before booking

1
Please send a floor plan or a description of which bedroom leads to which bathroom. The answer, or its absence, decides most weeks
2
What is the walking time to the nearest shop and the nearest restaurant, and is it lit at night?
3
Where does the afternoon sun fall, and where is the shaded seating at six in the evening?

A good agent answers all three in a paragraph. A poor one sends a brochure. That response is itself the most useful piece of information in the process, because it tells you what happens when the water heater fails on a Sunday.

What to accept and what not to

Accept a dated bathroom, a slightly awkward kitchen, furniture chosen for durability, and a pool that is smaller than it looked. None of these will change a week.

Do not accept a house on a road, bedrooms without their own bathroom in a shared booking, no shade at six, or a twenty-minute drive to anywhere with a group who will not all fit in one car. Those four are the ones people are still discussing in October.

Use it now

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Six questions about the week you need, twenty-four places that answer it.

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